California Dreamin'

Well, I'm back home, safe in the land of bicycles and cow poop. As I have attempted to explain to many people over the years, cow poop is a very nostalgic smell for those of us from the Central Valley-- that, combined with freshly cut alfalfa, is the smell of home. Perhaps not the most poetic of perfumes, but it's true nonetheless.
I've been home for about a week now, but I still feel as if I am only visiting, and will be returning to New York soon. I'm waiting for the day when I realize that I no longer live on the East Coast; it will most assuredly be an interesting day. Honestly it hasn't really felt like a vacation, I get up at 8 everyday and job hunt for most of the morning. I have been trying to be extra careful to keep my room clean and not to trigger any of my mother's OCD about the house, which has only gotten worse since she retired. So far, I have been doing pretty well, although it is hard not to fall back into old habits.
Speaking of old habits, I did fall back into a particular one since I've returned, not realizing that with how much things have changed in the last year it wasn't the best idea. Although last year my slightly-more-than-friends relationship with a certain boy was actually quite healthy for me mentally, I am realizing that at this moment in my life I am too emotionally vulnerable to be able to participate equally in this exchange. To put it simply, I am getting emotionally attached to someone that I don't want to be attached to, particularly since he is also uninterested in a real relationship. So, I need to make some adjustments in our friendship, which are probably going to frustrate the hell out of both of us, but do me (and maybe him) a lot of good in the long run. I am not the same person I was even 10 months ago-- not only am I more confident in myself, but I am also more aware of my own shortcomings and tendencies, especially when it comes to relationships. I suppose the older we get the more we learn what is bad for us, and those of us willing to learn from that move on to better and more healthy habits. Of course, there are always those who never learn... and that is how we get all the crazies with too many babies. Heh. Condescension for the win.
Job hunting is turning out even more frustrating than originally anticipated. After trying to do this myself for a few days, I have decided to hire a head-hunter to help me find a position. I would love to work in something that uses my abilities in Japanese, but at this point I just need a job, and if they can find me something to do for awhile until I find a career position, I will snatch it up. I am planning on applying for a position as an assistant professor of Japanese History at Stanford starting in the 2010 school year, but we will have to see if they will accept someone with just an MA or someone on the track to a PhD. Here's hoping. I have a fantasy of this working out, and of being at 27 year old professor at Stanford... very possibly a pipe dream but lovely nonetheless. Yet, if I keep my expectations high, perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised when they are fulfilled.